so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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