dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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