It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
