guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
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