You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I still have a little drunk in my system
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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