I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
