whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I take back everything I said about communal showers
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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