you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
