I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
