The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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