fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Randomize
