Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
