DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
They have beer where we have blood.
Randomize
