All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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