I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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