You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
