I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
