Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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