I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I just gargled with NyQuil
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
