the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
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we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
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They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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