I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Randomize
