I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
