i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
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I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
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Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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