Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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