I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
