HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
