I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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