Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
