TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
You ruined the universe
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
