Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Randomize
