its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I need a beard to bite.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
