I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
