hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
