I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
