Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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