'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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