Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
