Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
