Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
