Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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