she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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