Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
