Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
