Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
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