I heard we made out
I just threw up on my dentist
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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