your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
