I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
