He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.