Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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