Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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