I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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