And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I skipped work to stalk him.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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