well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
