dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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