$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
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