I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
