She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
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