Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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