You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
