i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
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