She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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