I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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