she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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