i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Randomize
