I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
